Dear You,

*Cigarette smoking is injurious to health*

Duh, I’m 19. Of course I know this. Doesn’t stop me from lighting one every now and then.

I didn’t always smoke. In fact, being someone with asthma, there was a time when I couldn’t stand in the vicinity of someone with an ignited ciggy at their lips. All this changed when she left though. I took my first drag, as I dreaded going home, as I would have to face her.

Her. The girl who gave me everything, and yet, took away the very essence of my existence- my ability to trust, to love and most importantly- to write.

Cigarette smoking is injurious to health.

People are too.

Its funny how sometimes, we give a few people so much of importance, that their departure can alter our very being. We were meant to come in this wold alone, else we’d be born in groups, thus proving that we can survive on your own (except for procreation of course.) Relationships, love, friendship, they’re all our creations. So is dependency. I needed her to get over the ups and downs of life, and now I need something else to get over her.

I tried everything, alcohol, cigarettes, weed, anything to give me the high that she gave me, yet nothing matches the increase of my heart rate, as it does when she is around.

Which makes me pretty lame.

I can talk big, about not needing her, or anyone for that matter. But truth is, as I stand at my window all alone, lips kissing a cigarette butt instead of hers, reading her old letters to me as a playlist of ‘our songs’ plays in the background, I can’t help realize that we do need people in the end. Some will be more important than the others, and it’s okay to miss them when they leave. 

They might be poison for your heart, they might break you beyond repair, or maybe, their time in your life just got over. However stupid it seems, you might want them.

It doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you needy. It only makes you more human. 

And in a world full of machines all trying to show who’s tougher, a bit of humanity blowing off some steam can’t seem to hurt, can it?

Love,

Me.