Dear You,

always

/ˈɔːlweɪz,-ɪz/

at all times; on all occasions.

You know that moment when you realize that someone’s ‘always’ has an expiry date? When ‘forever’ just isn’t long enough.

With the “I’ll always keep in touch”, the “I’ll always love you” and the “We’ll be friends forever”, do we actually fall prey to our imagination and believe that we can actually be a permanent part of someones life?

We all the know the reality of such promises, high school classmates all promising to stay in touch after graduation, the “I’ll always love yous” collected from all our exes. Why then do we allow ourselves to believe these empty promises and get hurt every time? Why do we agree to put ourselves through the same believe-deny-hurt-cry cycle that always ensues the breaking of such promises?

I have over 50 pals who had promised to call me regularly. We had planned to show up for all of each others important days and happy times, but today, a facebook comment is all I get from them. To be honest, I’m no better.

When it comes to love though, I pride myself for always upholding my promise of ‘always’. Yes, I’m sad to say that I have still kept my promise of forever being in love with the first person I dated. Well,I did say that I would. Unfortunately, I will always have a sweet spot for her for the rest of my life. Love screws you up, amirite?

Moving on, all her then love filled ‘sincere’ promises now seem unbelievable coming from someone who finds me as disgusting as she does. Yet, I foolishly still believe that she will come around or perhaps just once, remember her words to me?

Why do we depend on others to give us their love forever? Why is it that a short period of love, of friendship just isn’t enough for us? Why do we keep waiting for others to make those promises to us, when we can promise to love our self forever?

What forces us to measure our worth in terms of how much someone else loves us?

The only ‘always’ we need is ours, because when it comes to others, ‘always and foreveris just never enough. 

Love,

Me.

 

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